It's been just over a month since Mom passed. And like Ben said, it would take about that long before things started to sink in and I began to feel normal again.
I feel as if I am waking up from a bad dream. It's as if I have been in a daze for the last 3 years and going through the motions of life. I am now waking up and looking around me and in a bit of shock of where I am in my life.
I made many important changes during my hazy state. I got married, quit my job, took some time off and then decided to go back to teaching. I look back on it all and it's such a blur. I know, that sounds bad considering getting married is one that list. I do remember it all, it's not that, it's just that I can't place where my head was during that time. I took things one day at at time for so long that looking back or forward just wasn't part of my routine anymore. And analyzing life is something I have done my entire life. I think during taking care of Mom that I just needed to get through each day. And if I wasn't just trying to survive each day, I was letting myself get lost in books or movies and escaping.
I know that I have not been myself for so long, that I have kind of forgotten how to be me. How to be...happy. Really happy. Not just in a good mood for the day or more accurately happy that I am not in crappy mood for the day. I used to be happy. I want to be happy again.
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