Might as well say that I'm addicted to boooooks....

We all know Mom LOVES to read. She has had a much more difficult time doing so since
she began to decline. I mean, with short term memory loss you would read the first chapter over and over again!

We both decided the newspaper would be a great way to keep her reading, but not as stressful as a
novel. It has worked well. So well that she has been picking up other novels and non-fiction books in her room and reading bits and pieces (all books she has read before).

I never thought books would present one of the funniest things Mom has done during her journey with Alzheimer's.

She had a TON of mystery novels on her large bookshelf and wanted to make room for other things, non-fiction is easier and more practical for her to read. So she decided she wanted to donate all those novels to the "library" at Autumn Glen. In the main foyer they have a large bookshelf with not much on it. Mom's donation really made it more enticing. She donated about 40 or so books.

She began visiting the 'library' more often after this donation. She was just fiddling around, organizing and browsing. One day I came for a quick visit after school and she had several stacks of books in her room. I recognized right away that they were the books we had donated. I said, "Mom, why are these here, you wanted to get rid of them, make room?" "Well, no one was reading them so I took them back!"

I just giggled and said, "Mama, you have to give it time, and you can't take back a donation!"
She laughed. We took them back. All good.

In the next month she proceeded to do this 3 more times. Each time the same conversation and the same trip back to the library. The last time she said, "I don't why I am doing this. Stupid brain. I guess I am just addicted to books!"

I laughed and hugged her. "Yep, I agree, you are."

After that it stopped.

Mom does random weird things. Dog food in the fridge, which I just finally left. It IS canned, not like it's a bag of dry food. I think she just wanted it all off the counter, took up all space.  The remote in her purse, which cracks me up. That is apparently very common.

I have to say, nothing that is a big deal. Oh wait, I found a pair of underwear in her purse one day. I didn't say a word. I checked her purse while she was in the bathroom, just to see, glad I did! Other than that she is pretty neat and organized. NO idea where that came from, she NEVER was neat and organized!!!!!!

I'm ready for more, bring it on Alzheimer's!

She Works Hard for the Money...da da...da dahhhh

HOLY HATE MY JOB TODAY BATMAN!

Nothing new about Mom on this one...just work venting.

Test today. Calm, quiet day....NOT.
Actually, all day was fine, until last period. What is wrong with these kids!
What are they eating???? Do they sleep??? Is someone injecting them with hormones?

It was a disaster. Two girls arguing. Another called me a bitch. I earned my crappy income today, boy.

I did not stay very calm. I reached my limit. I thought I had with these same girls two weeks ago, nope, I hadn't. I'm donzo. And if you push so hard that even I am not on your side and will work with you....that's pretty bad. The kids put me right up there with counselors and the social worker. I want them in class, I want to help them.  I am willing to give chances, talk it out. Not anymore.

I guess what makes it particularly hard to swallow is that I was looking forward to focusing on school this year. And I am....but it's not a happy place. Attucks is just not what it was...the program is going down hill. It's really sad. 

For years I have known that I wanted to try something different, but with the economy being a mess I was happy to have a job. Then I came to love teaching again and wanted to stay. Now, I don't know. I just don't know.

Makes my heart hurt.

I'll work it out, I always do. Meanwhile, I am just going to vent, complain, whine, whatever I have to do to survive.

I'm Only Sleeping

I wish I was sleeping.  I do not get enough of my happy place...my bed.
Ben does say I have the most serene smile on my face when my head hits the pillow.
Oh, how I miss my bed.

I don't think I have ever worked this hard. Not in college when I had a full time job and a full load of classes. Not during student teaching. Not my first year of teaching. Never. I am working my ass off.
And working this hard just to get the basics done. And it's not just me. Several factors have made this year hell.

1. Back to 8 period day, 3 min passing period. What a mess. Kids late CONSTANTLY. And I don't blame them. It's not enough time. They can't even pee.
2. Evaluation process is demanding. Although, not a big issue for me personally, but stressing to a lot of folks.
3. LARGE classes. Even for me in Title.
4. Very large group of middle school kids, they are all nuts.
5. Lack of man-power.
6. Discipline is off the chain.

Something has to give. I am going to crash by December if this keeps up.
I have no life.

I know my previous post discussed all of this. But, it hasn't changed, it has gotten worse. And I am having a hard time keeping my spirits up about the entire situation.

Mom, on the other hand, is doing well. Her stress level is still down. She doesn't call daily. I check on her often. The doctor was worried that she didn't know how to use the phone, or how to find my number. But, I paid attention this week (called her a few times), ask AG to keep an eye out. I don't think that is the issue. I think she is just relaxed. And by the end of the day, tired. She calls 3-5 times a week. I do as well. I am not seeing her during the week as often as I'd like, but there isn't a damn thing I can do about that. Just not enough hours in the day.

Doctor appointment on Monday was decent. Her memory test went down, but nothing to concerned about it. She is doing so well, nothing weird in her apartment, so not freaking out at this point.  She could very well be declining, but not to a point that she needs more care. Not yet, anyway. *Sigh*

I am looking forward to Saturday. Picking Mom up for a visit at the Pharasick's. See her boy, Walter, and watch some Poirot on Netflix. It will be good for us both.

I have been missing her a lot lately. Not because I can't see her as often. I am missing the old Mom. The one I could talk to. Tell school stories too and get advice. Have her remember what is going on. I still can, and she still give good advice. But I know she won't remember in an hour. I read a lot about grieving during the period of declining with Alz. It is hitting harder and sooner than I was hoping for.

The tables have turned and it is very hard for me.

I am trying to let myself feel the grief. Not push it away and also not take over.
It's a tough balancing act.

I recently found out an old friend has moved home to help his mother take care of his father who has Alz. I feel for him. It's hard to see friends go through this.

As I write tonight I realize that I need to write more often. It does help. Even if no one is reading it regularly, it's a great way for me to get things straight in my head. I was never good at keeping a journal. But, now I have a purpose. Maybe I will pick a day each week to keep up. Hmmmm...

A little something to make all of you smile.
Yes, Jim Henson or Frank Oz stole this. Whatever, it's hilarious.
Holy Shit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXo1ufdQ4sg