I wish I was sleeping. I do not get enough of my happy place...my bed.
Ben does say I have the most serene smile on my face when my head hits the pillow.
Oh, how I miss my bed.
I don't think I have ever worked this hard. Not in college when I had a full time job and a full load of classes. Not during student teaching. Not my first year of teaching. Never. I am working my ass off.
And working this hard just to get the basics done. And it's not just me. Several factors have made this year hell.
1. Back to 8 period day, 3 min passing period. What a mess. Kids late CONSTANTLY. And I don't blame them. It's not enough time. They can't even pee.
2. Evaluation process is demanding. Although, not a big issue for me personally, but stressing to a lot of folks.
3. LARGE classes. Even for me in Title.
4. Very large group of middle school kids, they are all nuts.
5. Lack of man-power.
6. Discipline is off the chain.
Something has to give. I am going to crash by December if this keeps up.
I have no life.
I know my previous post discussed all of this. But, it hasn't changed, it has gotten worse. And I am having a hard time keeping my spirits up about the entire situation.
Mom, on the other hand, is doing well. Her stress level is still down. She doesn't call daily. I check on her often. The doctor was worried that she didn't know how to use the phone, or how to find my number. But, I paid attention this week (called her a few times), ask AG to keep an eye out. I don't think that is the issue. I think she is just relaxed. And by the end of the day, tired. She calls 3-5 times a week. I do as well. I am not seeing her during the week as often as I'd like, but there isn't a damn thing I can do about that. Just not enough hours in the day.
Doctor appointment on Monday was decent. Her memory test went down, but nothing to concerned about it. She is doing so well, nothing weird in her apartment, so not freaking out at this point. She could very well be declining, but not to a point that she needs more care. Not yet, anyway. *Sigh*
I am looking forward to Saturday. Picking Mom up for a visit at the Pharasick's. See her boy, Walter, and watch some Poirot on Netflix. It will be good for us both.
I have been missing her a lot lately. Not because I can't see her as often. I am missing the old Mom. The one I could talk to. Tell school stories too and get advice. Have her remember what is going on. I still can, and she still give good advice. But I know she won't remember in an hour. I read a lot about grieving during the period of declining with Alz. It is hitting harder and sooner than I was hoping for.
The tables have turned and it is very hard for me.
I am trying to let myself feel the grief. Not push it away and also not take over.
It's a tough balancing act.
I recently found out an old friend has moved home to help his mother take care of his father who has Alz. I feel for him. It's hard to see friends go through this.
As I write tonight I realize that I need to write more often. It does help. Even if no one is reading it regularly, it's a great way for me to get things straight in my head. I was never good at keeping a journal. But, now I have a purpose. Maybe I will pick a day each week to keep up. Hmmmm...
A little something to make all of you smile.
Yes, Jim Henson or Frank Oz stole this. Whatever, it's hilarious.
Holy Shit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXo1ufdQ4sg
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