Under Pressure

The latest on Mom...
She spent 2 weeks in an inpatient clinic to get her meds and a UTI under control. She is back in her AL facility and doing much better. The dementia is progressing, but she is back to a more stable daily life.

Great. Yes. However, those 2 weeks were reminiscent of the beginning of her disease. She did well in the facility, it wasn't that part. It was the stressing about how to prepare for the future. The head nurse at the AL facility was telling me that Mom would not be able to come back, we needed to find alternative care. Fuck me.

Memory care is EXPENSIVE. Dad wasn't a vet...well in Canada. Dammit. She's not rich enough and not poor enough. So, getting help to pay for the outrageously expensive care is going to be difficult. I have never felt so afraid and desperate.

It turned out that the nurse was out of line and after speaking with the general manager I found out that she could stay, for as long as she was doing well. Big, HUGE relief. But, I am still looking into Memory Care and help from a lawyer who specializes in Elder Law. However, now I have the time to find the right place and plan. Whew.


The latest on me...
I'm back in the classroom. Why did I want to go back to teaching again?
Oh yeah, kids...whatever.

2nd Graders are whiny, moaning, disgusting, sweet, hilarious little creatures. It's been a long 3 months. I remember why I loved middle school so much.

I was hired 2 days before school started. I managed, with Ben's help, to fully decorate and organize my room and prepare Week 1 materials. My room looks amazing. It's a good thing I am organized and have 15 years of teaching experience to know WHAT I needed to organize, because I it was a stressful time. But, I got through it and survived.

After the initial set-up I had to learn a whole new way to teach, talk to kids and also learn a whole new curriculum, testing and gobs of paperwork. I'll hand it to Washington Township, they make sure that all the paperwork is meaningful to our everyday lives in the classroom, but that doesn't mean it's all necessary. I wish I could spend as much time really focusing on my teaching as I do the paperwork. Meh, it could be worse.

The staff is lovely, the administrative staff is lovely. For teaching these days, it's a decent gig. The cherry on top, I ACTUALLY GET PAID WHAT I AM WORTH.

I know. Crazy.

Despite all of the positive things written above, I feel this tremendous amount of pressure each day. Pressure to do well at school, at home, with my Mom. And I don't do pressure very well. I can handle a crisis well, I won't fold. But, long term stresses I fold. I shut down. I'm sure I should be in therapy or a meeting with a support group. I spend a lot of my time away from school alone with my computer. That's can't be healthy. I just enjoy the quiet and the escape so much.

Being an adult sucks. It's that simple. It's a good thing I don't want kids, there is NO way I could handle raising a human. I am just not cut out for that. I'd end up being one of those mothers that puts white wine in their Starbucks cup.

I need a vacation. Shit. I just had a year off.
I'm so screwed (smiling and giggling as I write this).  Don't worry I am completely aware that my life is not that bad.
: )

Hot for Teacher

After 9 months away from the classroom I found myself back in it as of March 2015.
It is very different....different for two reasons

1. I am just an assistant. Go in. Work with kids. Leave.
2. 2nd grade. I am back in elementary again, no more middle school for me.

It is also the same. The issues happening in education are happening everywhere on some level.
It isn't just the bureaucracy, it's the kids themselves. They are different. No attention spans, no empathy...it's very scary. Ugh. I could go on and on about this, but I am tired of talking about it.
Maybe I will hit the topic up again in a different post. It does deserve some attention.

As far as what being back in the classroom/tutoring has to do with my future...I have no idea.  Some days if you ask me I miss it and want to head back. Other days I don't at all. And then also some days I want to go back to school to study addiction therapy. I think if I want to go back, I would have a position pretty quickly. Is the money worth the stress? I don't know. It is harder, but I am enjoying not being a mess every night, being able to stay up until midnight and not go in until 9.

I have a life again and I love it.

HOWEVER, money is important.
Christ, I just don't know. My gut tells me that I need another year away from the classroom and then I can make a clear decision.