Did any of you sing the title of this post? If so, I should shoot you.
Survive first week back to work.-Check
Have my cell phone stolen.-Check
Have an administrative observation on a Friday with 6th Graders.-Check
Not clean one bit of my house all week.-Double Check
My first day back to work was, well, strange. It was strange to be back in the building and see all the usual faces and routines. I changed. Nothing else did. It made me very nervous and I am still not sure why. Between that odd feeling and worrying about Mom, I was a nervous sweaty mess all day.
Tuesday was a tiny bit better....that is until my cell phone disappeared at the end of the day. Not worth any more of my time to discuss...it's gone. Already have a replacement. Mom could call my house phone. All is well.
By the time Wednesday rolled around I was beginning to get myself together. My classroom was clean and organized. I got the kids back on track. Let' take a step back....to the cleaning my classroom part. HOLY MR. STRANGE SUBSTITUTE TEACHER BATMAN.
I expected the usual mess. My desk messy with papers, desks moved around, and bookshelves a mess. Fine. There was MORE. Of all the weird things that were in my room and all the funny stories the kids told me (apparently he had 5 different kinds of fart smells), the NatGeo mess was the best.
There was a pile of National Geographics on my desk. Disheveled, no sign of a nice neat stack. There was also a twin pile of the same magazine on the floor right behind and to the right of my desk chair. I asked the kids, "Did he read through EVERY copy of my National Geographics?"
Reply...."DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE MAGAZINES, TARASICK!!!!"
Mr. Strange Man would sit and read the entire day. He went through all of my Time and National Geographics. He would pick them up in a heap from the shelf, throw them on my desk and read each page of each magazine. Then when finished, tossed them in the air behind him, which eventually created the floor pile.
Yep, really. Really happened.
Substitute teachers are just plain weird. There, I said it.
I am kicking myself for not taking pictures.
I did survive the week, however. I am feeling better. Mom did well this week. Lynn was around quite a bit and I went after school several days. I am doing well making sure that I take care of me too. I know I have to focus on school. I guess it would be great if I could keep my job. I was observed in the middle of the day during a class of 6th graders today. We were a little silly, but very productive and I am pleased and expect a positive evaluation.
I mean, I am after all, ME. Giggle.
Here's to my first week back and to Mom doing well. CHEERS.
Friday, April 19, 2013
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Reading Rainbow!
My book showed up a couple of days ago (see previous post). It's fantastic! I am impressed.
It seems to cover everything about what a caregiver goes through. It does not give insight on the disease, but insight on how to deal with the emotions that come every minute when dealing with different behaviors associated with Alz. It provides short term and long term coping strategies.
I have 3-4 books on the subject now, I think I am going to focus on this one for a while.
I am about a 50 pages in...so far so good. I recently told someone that a lot of what I have read about coping with Alz is common sense (if you have a brain, that is), but I have also learned a lot. Knowing that most caregivers go through what I am going through is helpful in it's own right. And reading word for word what I am feeling...very comforting. It is amazing what the printed word can do.
I have been tossing around the idea of a support group. The Alz Association has a chapter here in Indy. I may check it out. If any of you have thoughts on the matter, especially knowing me, send them my way. I'll take all the advice I can get.
How many of you are singing the Reading Rainbow song????
Butterflies in the skyyyyy! Click ME!
It seems to cover everything about what a caregiver goes through. It does not give insight on the disease, but insight on how to deal with the emotions that come every minute when dealing with different behaviors associated with Alz. It provides short term and long term coping strategies.
I have 3-4 books on the subject now, I think I am going to focus on this one for a while.
I am about a 50 pages in...so far so good. I recently told someone that a lot of what I have read about coping with Alz is common sense (if you have a brain, that is), but I have also learned a lot. Knowing that most caregivers go through what I am going through is helpful in it's own right. And reading word for word what I am feeling...very comforting. It is amazing what the printed word can do.
I have been tossing around the idea of a support group. The Alz Association has a chapter here in Indy. I may check it out. If any of you have thoughts on the matter, especially knowing me, send them my way. I'll take all the advice I can get.
How many of you are singing the Reading Rainbow song????
Butterflies in the skyyyyy! Click ME!
Thursday, April 11, 2013
My Own "Sundowning"
"Sundowning" is a common part of Alzheimer's. The person usually has a more difficult time doing things at night. Something they may not have a problem doing or communicating during the day can be almost impossible during "sundowning."
I have definitely noticed this in Mom. She tends to become more easily confused, scared and lonely at night. It is the one time I sincerely wish she was still with Ben and I. I talk with her every night around 8pm to help calm her. She has developed a good routine, however. She walks Beatrix around 7pm, we talk a for a bit, then I have her get her PJs out and after we hang up she takes a shower and gets into bed to relax and watch the Hallmark Movie Channel (giggles). It seems to work well for her, the middle of the night calls have been few and far between. We often joke that she is lucky to be able to sleep through that part.
I, on the other hand, have my own version of "sundowning." The evening calls with Mom are the toughest. I just feel awful hearing that she is lonely and scared. She knows she is safe. She knows I am close. In fact, she is very aware that her 'feelings' do not quite make sense and that it is part of the disease. It just so hard to hear her crying and feeling so desperate. It is during this time that I usually hear the words, "I don't want to be in this world anymore. Why I am still here?"
After these calls is when I can easily fall into a bit of depression. For example, after last night's call I laid back on the couch to watch "The Walking Dead" with Ben. Even with all the zombies and gross stuff happening, I just couldn't distract myself. I was quiet and basically just bummed. It lasted for a bit, but I eventually pulled myself out of it.
I know that care giving is tough and I need to look out for me too. This blog, the Alzheimer's Association site (specifically the caregivers forum), Ben...these are all daily ways for me to vent and connect. I have had one really bad day, just down in the dumps. But, I am doing just fine. I reached some sort of bottom or something. I feel more stable. It isn't going to be easy and this is all very new. So, one day at a time (na na na naaaa), breathe in and out, remember to have my own life.....I will make it. Deep down, I am just too damn optimistic, I can't see any other way then to get through and find happiness...I always do.
I have definitely noticed this in Mom. She tends to become more easily confused, scared and lonely at night. It is the one time I sincerely wish she was still with Ben and I. I talk with her every night around 8pm to help calm her. She has developed a good routine, however. She walks Beatrix around 7pm, we talk a for a bit, then I have her get her PJs out and after we hang up she takes a shower and gets into bed to relax and watch the Hallmark Movie Channel (giggles). It seems to work well for her, the middle of the night calls have been few and far between. We often joke that she is lucky to be able to sleep through that part.
I, on the other hand, have my own version of "sundowning." The evening calls with Mom are the toughest. I just feel awful hearing that she is lonely and scared. She knows she is safe. She knows I am close. In fact, she is very aware that her 'feelings' do not quite make sense and that it is part of the disease. It just so hard to hear her crying and feeling so desperate. It is during this time that I usually hear the words, "I don't want to be in this world anymore. Why I am still here?"
After these calls is when I can easily fall into a bit of depression. For example, after last night's call I laid back on the couch to watch "The Walking Dead" with Ben. Even with all the zombies and gross stuff happening, I just couldn't distract myself. I was quiet and basically just bummed. It lasted for a bit, but I eventually pulled myself out of it.
I know that care giving is tough and I need to look out for me too. This blog, the Alzheimer's Association site (specifically the caregivers forum), Ben...these are all daily ways for me to vent and connect. I have had one really bad day, just down in the dumps. But, I am doing just fine. I reached some sort of bottom or something. I feel more stable. It isn't going to be easy and this is all very new. So, one day at a time (na na na naaaa), breathe in and out, remember to have my own life.....I will make it. Deep down, I am just too damn optimistic, I can't see any other way then to get through and find happiness...I always do.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Mom, Walter and The Fro
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Monday, April 8, 2013
One day at a time, one day at a time....na na na naaaa.....
Today was a pretty good day. No middle of night calls, no morning calls. I went for a short visit in afternoon and it was great. Only one evening call so far and it wasn't too intense. The Alzheimer gods are being good to Mom today.
Not going to visit tomorrow, hope it is another good day.
Not going to visit tomorrow, hope it is another good day.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Afros Are Awesome
Mom got her hair done last week. It's fantastic. Totally a fro. I love every single perfect curl. Mom on the other hand....not so much...at first.
After being with Ben and I for about a month she needed a cut and perm pretty badly. I took her to a place here in Indy. The guy I wanted was busy, so some young girl did it. She wasn't really down with the 'old lady perm.' It was a disaster. It got her through, but it was bad. ANNNND she took forever. She was so nervous about doing it right that she took over an hour to roll. I thought I would die. Or worse, I thought she would die...with her neck in Mom's hands. We were both patient and tipped well. She did try, after all.
Now that Mom is moved into AL (Assisted Living-I'm learning tons of geriatric shorthand and slang), she can get her hair done at the facility. I knew this woman would be ALLLLLL about the 'old lady perm.' I was right, she was great.
BUT.
Mom told her to do it a little tighter. And tight it was. I just want to touch it all the time. YAY AFROS! She wasn't too happy, but then again she doesn't really care all that much. It is calming down now. I think it's really growing on her. No bedhead when it is that curly. Easy to do.
After all, afros ARE awesome.
Pictures soon. Giggles. I thought a little suspense would be good.
After being with Ben and I for about a month she needed a cut and perm pretty badly. I took her to a place here in Indy. The guy I wanted was busy, so some young girl did it. She wasn't really down with the 'old lady perm.' It was a disaster. It got her through, but it was bad. ANNNND she took forever. She was so nervous about doing it right that she took over an hour to roll. I thought I would die. Or worse, I thought she would die...with her neck in Mom's hands. We were both patient and tipped well. She did try, after all.
Now that Mom is moved into AL (Assisted Living-I'm learning tons of geriatric shorthand and slang), she can get her hair done at the facility. I knew this woman would be ALLLLLL about the 'old lady perm.' I was right, she was great.
BUT.
Mom told her to do it a little tighter. And tight it was. I just want to touch it all the time. YAY AFROS! She wasn't too happy, but then again she doesn't really care all that much. It is calming down now. I think it's really growing on her. No bedhead when it is that curly. Easy to do.
After all, afros ARE awesome.
Pictures soon. Giggles. I thought a little suspense would be good.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Teacher Teach Thyself....
I have been doing a TON of reading. Books, articles, blogs, etc. I keep
running across this title: Coping with Alzheimer's-A Caregiver's Emotional Survival Guide.
I finally ordered it today...for 1 cent. Plus 5 bucks in shipping, of course.
God, I love Amazon.
running across this title: Coping with Alzheimer's-A Caregiver's Emotional Survival Guide.
I finally ordered it today...for 1 cent. Plus 5 bucks in shipping, of course.
God, I love Amazon.
First 24 Hours
It has been 24 hours since I have seen Mom. Not one phone call since I left her apartment yesterday. I normally hear from her many times a day. I would be worried, but I know that if something was wrong the facility would call. However, I can't help but be nervous and worry a little. BUT, I am not going to call until this evening. I don't want to jinx it. I know I need to cut the cord and let Mom get used to things on her own. Now I understand what it is like dropping your kid off to kindergarten for the first time. Hard to TOTALLY relax. I just can't stop thinking about her and wondering if she is ok. I hope she is watching some Murder She Wrote, napping or even hanging out with some friends. Fingers crossed.
UPDATE:
She was fine until about 4pm. She called crying and scared. I think she received a phone call that set her off. It doesn't take much. She had a hard time at dinner, crying and did not know where she was. The head nurse called me. I talked to her and calmed her down. She finished her dinner in her room after we chatted for a bit. Then she took Beatrix out. She was much better after all of that and said she was tired and going to bed. Even with the meltdown....I did have a full 24 hours without contact and I did not visit today. Of course, I was a mess all day. Still am. But I did it. Can I have a cookie, now?
UPDATE:
She was fine until about 4pm. She called crying and scared. I think she received a phone call that set her off. It doesn't take much. She had a hard time at dinner, crying and did not know where she was. The head nurse called me. I talked to her and calmed her down. She finished her dinner in her room after we chatted for a bit. Then she took Beatrix out. She was much better after all of that and said she was tired and going to bed. Even with the meltdown....I did have a full 24 hours without contact and I did not visit today. Of course, I was a mess all day. Still am. But I did it. Can I have a cookie, now?
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Drum Lessons
Ben has been wonderful with me and with Mom. This past weekend he gave her his token beginner's lesson. Mom has a lil swing in her....
Ch Ch Ch Changes....
I woke up this morning to 7 missed calls and seven matching voicemails. That was down from 17 two days ago. The voicemails are all the same, "Hey, Doll, it's your mother. I need to ask you a few things. Call me." I can tell Mom is crying and can hear the fear in voice. It appears as if the calls started at 3am and stopped at 4am. She must have gone back to sleep. I didn't hear from her again until after breakfast. So I took a deep breath and dialed her number. I was relieved to find her voice on the other end in good spirits....it was going to be an "up" day.
Mom has been in an Assisted Living facility for 7 days. For 2 months before that she was living with Ben and I. She was shacked up in our small spare bedroom with her Jack Russell, Beatrix. Ben and I picked her up in Michigan City at her house in the beginning of February. She was having a terrible time by herself. Panic attacks, memory issues, unable to pay bills. She wasn't sleeping well at all and not eating much either. We got her to our house and set up the spare room with some of her pictures and paintings. I took 2 months off of work via FMLA to get through this with Mom. I knew it would be a long haul...I wasn't even sure what the end result was going to be. But I knew she needed me and I knew I needed to give her 100% of my time. It has been well worth it.
For the next two months we worked on her health. A sleeping schedule, eating well, found an AMAZING doctor (clinic that did a full geriatric evaluation). There were lots of ups and downs. Good days and bad days. Sometimes she didn't know who I was....other times she was doing extremely well and you would have no idea there was anything wrong.
I researched a ton of Assisted Living facilities. I was nervous about the move. Would she be able to get around by herself? How much care did she really need? I was doing so much for her.....could she do some of these things if I weren't here? Can she afford this? I finally found the perfect place. Small, felt good, and affordable. Most importantly, she could keep her pooch.
We went to Michigan City and filled a trailer with her furniture and other things and got her moved in at the end of March. As she adjusts to her new surroundings, I am adjusting too. Trying to get my life back, resting......figuring out how to be normal AND be a caregiver is complicated. I am a changed person. And I don't know this new person yet. Just because we have found a great place for Mom doesn't mean the struggle is over. Everyone kept saying, "It will be better once she is placed, you can get back to normal life." Not quite. I will never be the same...my "normal" will never be the same. Alzheimer's is now a part of my "normal." Of OUR normal.
Mom has been in an Assisted Living facility for 7 days. For 2 months before that she was living with Ben and I. She was shacked up in our small spare bedroom with her Jack Russell, Beatrix. Ben and I picked her up in Michigan City at her house in the beginning of February. She was having a terrible time by herself. Panic attacks, memory issues, unable to pay bills. She wasn't sleeping well at all and not eating much either. We got her to our house and set up the spare room with some of her pictures and paintings. I took 2 months off of work via FMLA to get through this with Mom. I knew it would be a long haul...I wasn't even sure what the end result was going to be. But I knew she needed me and I knew I needed to give her 100% of my time. It has been well worth it.
For the next two months we worked on her health. A sleeping schedule, eating well, found an AMAZING doctor (clinic that did a full geriatric evaluation). There were lots of ups and downs. Good days and bad days. Sometimes she didn't know who I was....other times she was doing extremely well and you would have no idea there was anything wrong.
I researched a ton of Assisted Living facilities. I was nervous about the move. Would she be able to get around by herself? How much care did she really need? I was doing so much for her.....could she do some of these things if I weren't here? Can she afford this? I finally found the perfect place. Small, felt good, and affordable. Most importantly, she could keep her pooch.
We went to Michigan City and filled a trailer with her furniture and other things and got her moved in at the end of March. As she adjusts to her new surroundings, I am adjusting too. Trying to get my life back, resting......figuring out how to be normal AND be a caregiver is complicated. I am a changed person. And I don't know this new person yet. Just because we have found a great place for Mom doesn't mean the struggle is over. Everyone kept saying, "It will be better once she is placed, you can get back to normal life." Not quite. I will never be the same...my "normal" will never be the same. Alzheimer's is now a part of my "normal." Of OUR normal.
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