FINAL COUNTDOWN

8 DAYS LEFT!!!!
That is all.


I have been reading a lot of Alz articles lately. Mostly about the biology behind it, the chemistry of the brain, genetic coding, etc. Talking with Daupher (Ben's sister, Jen) tonight I was reminded again of what I think about the genetic test that is very available to everyone these days. Yes, there is a test. HOWEVER, it only tells you that you MAY be a candidate to POSSIBLY get Alz. The test only works if BOTH of your parents had early onset alz. Which means before the age of 50.

I am all about preparing. I like to know what the deal is, the bottom line, what have you....but I don't really see the point with this one. I already know that there is a possibility for dementia/alz for me. I just assume this since Mom and Grama have had issues.  I am going to prepare whether I test or not. I think the test would bring me a ton unnecessary stress. So, there's that.

Mom is stable. Ups and down. No major change. She has had more bad days lately, but those bad days are also combined with lots of good times spent with friends. She seems to be able to pull herself out of her panicky moments if needed. If I don't answer the phone, I find that if I call back 30 minutes later....all is well in Arlene Alz Land. Often she doesn't answer and when I do finally talk to her I find she has been on the porch hangin' with the crew. Of course, sometimes when she can't reach me she calls Lynn. But, not always.

The nurses have said that she is doing well, despite crying more often lately. They also tell me it is normal that once a resident is initially settled there is another period of stress (she is at 2 months), then at about 3-4 months they really settle in and are much more calm. They have been right about everything else, so I am hopeful this time as well.

I am doing good. Ups and downs for me too. Mostly, I am on the up. My mood is generally better these days and I am not having a ton of self-inflicted stress. School is good (I really can't complain) and almost over. Sad my Seniors are leaving. Even though I have a lot to take care of this summer, I am looking forward to some time with Ben, my much missed friends and Mom.

I still think Alzheimer's is stupid. 

Feelin' Allllright

I am really working at keeping up with the blog. And it means so much to me that all of you take the time to read it. I was talking to Erik recently and we talked about how the blog was not just good for me as a way to vent and process, but also so that all of my friends know the story and I don't have to repeat a ton of emotional details. It has helped. The questions I find myself answering bypass the initial 'needing the facts' and get more into how I am feeling and how Mom is feeling.

About a week or so ago I hit a major bump in the road emotionally. I was angry. Frustrated. Not just about Mom, but how this has affected my life. Specifically, my life with Ben. I thought I was well aware of how I handle things. I do not ask for help. I keep much of what I am going through inside. I knew that I was doing those things....but I didn't really accept what that meant to my emotional well-being. Not really.

I blew up. Mostly all over Ben.

But, it helped. A lot.

I hit my bottom and have really dealt with some issues since. And as a result I am much more relaxed. Happier. Much less emotional.

Cherry on top...Mom is doing much better too. She still has ups and downs. She still has days with the usual repeating of her top 5 questions. HOWEVER, she is having many good days....many good days in a row at that. That's my Mama. She loves being at AG. She loves her apartment, having her things, Bea, and privacy. What is making the difference in her emotional health is that she is making a ton of friends. They spend the days talking and going to activities together. She even has a best friend. The phone calls are not even happening daily. I often can go 24 hours with only 1 or even 0 calls. Same with Lynn. It used to be if she wasn't calling me, she was calling Lynn. Not anymore. Amazing.

Bottom line...things are calming down. I know that she will not stay this well forever. I'll take what I can. I am feeling like I can have a life again. I am also really starting see how I have changed.I am looking forward to summer. I need a break and also need to start over. I just want this year to be finished. Put it behind me and move on. Damn.

I do have lots to do at home. Packing up and selling the house. But the rest of the time, SCHOOL IS OUT FOR SUMMER!!!!!! BRING IT!!!!!!

Appreciated Teachers

This one is about me, well they all are, but this time only me.

I just sent this email to fellow staff members.
I needed this.

Thanks to this amazing person in my life who happens to be a student.
I can't wait until August....well, I can. But, seeing her will make it a great year
right from day 1.

_________________
HI Everyone-
Had to share...

Last year we lost a student, (name removed), to a charter school.
I was heart broken, such a great student and overall person.
We have kept in contact since her departure and last week she let
me know that she wanted to come back. She was really nervous. She
is currently a sophomore and knew that it would difficult to get back in
so late in the game.

She walked into my room at about 2pm today all smiles. I ran and gave
her the biggest hug.  She told me she had an interview and would be back next year.

Then came her tears and  the most amazing compliment I have heard in a long time.
She said they were happy tears. "I miss this place. I do miss my friends,
but I miss all of you...my teachers. You guys care about me, love me,
want me to succeed. I miss MY school. I'm so happy."

The came my tears.
That's what I call teacher appreciation, folks.
WE did that. WE are something important in this young
girl's life. WE have made a difference.

HAPPY TEACHER APPRECIATION WEEK!
WE ROCK!
Lara T.