On A Need To Know Basis

If I had to give advice someone who was an Alz caregiver, it would be to give information on a need to know basis.

Simple.

Very effective.


Why do AL and Memory Care facilities work so well for Alz patients? Routine. Routine. Routine. And then more routine. I have learned over the last few months that Mom does her best when she spends most of her time, I mean 90%, at her apartment at AG. She even has said herself that, "Well, I am a little off today, had to call you, doesn't take much, a little blip in my regular routine can throw me off."  She is extremely self-aware and sees this, not all that live with Alz will see this in themselves. We are both lucky to have her level of self-awareness. What initially caused her a lot of stress, now reduces her stress.

As I head in to this Holiday season. Lots of events coming up. Dinners, get-togethers, etc., I am keeping plans to myself. There is a routine  to that as well. It is November, we can talk about Christmas, it is far away. We talked about Thanksgiving over a week ago. But I will not call her the night or even two nights before dinner and remind her. She may wake up each day or maybe even think randomly in the middle of the day that she was supposed to do something and has forgotten.

So I will call her in the morning and remind her that I am coming to get her for dinner with Ben and his sister's family.  Simple. Very effective.

Another example:

As I have tied things up at home or when Ben and I got away for a weekend, I do not tell that I am leaving. I tell her after the fact. "Things are good at home Mom, we have moved everything down to storage. All set!" Boom. NO stress for her. Even her knowing that I am not in MY usual routine can upset HER usual routine. So I keep things quiet and let her know as needed.

It really did not take me long to figure this little trick out. At first I was a bit nervous and felt. as if I was lying to her. I was over that very quickly. Logically I knew that I wasn't of course, but emotionally it felt off.  And I have even told her that I use this tactic. Being a teacher/therapist she COMPLETELY understands and is proud that I am doing so many right things for her.

Finding the right coping strategy can be difficult, but there are some that are universal. This one is. It is important to keep things simple. Routine. Low stress. Of course, it depends on what stage the loved one is in. With all the reading and talking I have done in search of advice, in the end, I know Mom the best. I am intelligent. I have armed myself with the knowledge to make the best decisions for her care. So far so good.

BOOMSHAKALAKA!

Have a great holiday-Be thankful and stuff.
XXOO

Gill T. Pharasick

This past year I did a lot of reading about how caregivers survive being a caregiver.

From being a full-time caregiver to where I am now with Mom living at AG I have read professional works, funny stories and advice from others all over the country going through exactly what I was experiencing. I was truly surprised at how helpful all of that reading was for me.

I have been able to get back to normal this school year. I can go to all the meetings because I don't have to rush over to AG to spend time with Mom everyday. I have started an anti-bullying club and it is going well. I can attend games and get all my work done. Unfortunately all of my time and energy is devoted to school. My house is a disaster and I have not seen Mom as much as I'd like. Hence, the title of this entry. I am feeling very guilty about that. Yes, I know I have to do what I have to do. I am also dealing with Mom's house and that is taking some of my time.  Everything is OK. But, I still feel guilty. I can't help it.

I am looking forward to this week-Thanksgiving Break. Have the whole week off. I will be able to spend time with Mom.

On a positive note, Mom is doing well. She is happy. I was worried the change in weather and thus change in her routine would be difficult for her. It was a tiny bit, not sitting on porch with friends hit hard. But, all the residents are working out  a new routine.  The lounge is now more of a hot spot. There are also many more activities during the winter season, for that same reason.

Autumn Glen really has been amazing. Mom loves the employees and residents. A smaller facility is exactly what  Mom needed. The feeling of that building when you walk in is very comforting. I knew it the first time I went for a visit with Ben. Just felt right.

All in all I guess I can't complain. Or rather shouldn't. This blog, after all, is partly me complaining and venting. Life is stable, and for me right now, that is enough. Lots still to do regarding Mom. I'll take stability over excitement for the moment. Stability allows me to sleep. I need lots of sleep! Ben says I smile a very big and particular smile when I am in bed. He says it really is my 'happy place.'
It's true. I'm bed right now and I am totally content.

I think I have written about my love for my bed before. See, I do truly LOVE my bed. 

Giggle.