I have the flu. Home for the third day now. And I am actually completely fine with it. Normally I despise, like any normal human, being sick. Not this time. I am not at school. So, that equals happiness.
I wasn't sure what this year back to teaching would hold. I knew there would be challenges, that I would have a lot to learn and re-learn. I had a lot of personal hardships. I had no clue how I would feel about teaching or if I would stay. But, I never thought I would end up the couch. With the flu. Sick. And happy about it.
The year isn't over and I am sure I will realize many new things about myself as the months after pass. I do know that I have learned that working in traditional public education is not for me. I can't teach everyday AND fight the good fight. Many be able to put one aside or do both together. But, I can't. Maybe I am too worn down by all that the last few years have thrown at me. Maybe I am not cut out for it. Maybe I COULD do it, but I just don't WANT to. Maybe I am weak.
Whatever the case may be, I am not coming back to teach next year.
I thought that I had hit my bottom a few years ago when I left teaching...the first time. I wasn't even close. Since a lot of professional failure accompanies this go around, I am definitely on the bottom of the barrel. No where to go but up from here.
There are so many things I am interested in pursing with the next part of my life. I am getting myself out there and researching. Because, that's what I do, I research.
I will figure it out. I will find a career that is right for me.
Meanwhile....I lay on my couch. Body hurting. Head hurting. Fever. Chills. And full of relief to not be at school.
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